I've strayed away from God too long!

 I'm sooo tired of being angry and lately seems like I can't catch a break.  Mentally I have secluded myself from my family and friends.  The smile you see is not because I'm happy or enjoying the moment; it's because I'm scared to reveal my pain or hurt.  I feel like I can't trust anyone - at times I just need to call a friend and just vent without them giving me their thoughts or perspective on the situation...just shut up and allow me to speak and just listen; is that asking too much???  My question to you is "What do you do when you feel you have strayed away from God too long?"

I know that God is a forgiving God and he will never leave or forsake me - but I feel like I have strayed away from him too long to be on his priority list.  My grandmother always told me that God is in your heart you just celebrate him in a building.  I took her saying and ran with it - when I actively attended church I felt embrace by God and the spirit that took over the building.  I felt protected with GOD'S LOVE!

Lately it's been a struggle to go back to church.  I love my pastor and his
teachings even though I don't agree with everything that is said or taught and that's ok.  Overall, he is a great messenger of delivering God's messages.  People tend make the statement that "The Devil is Busy", my take on this is, everything can't be blamed on the devil.  I feel like those who have been so called "SAVED" has a Godly conscious which allows you to have a relationship with God himself.  The spirit didn't hit you by accident nor were you forced to make the walk to be delivered.  A spirit presented itself within you and you chose to say "GOD! HERE I AM!"

I know my relationship with God and I can't speak for others but I know God gave me a conscious - When I know I'm doing something I'm not suppose to I  feel guilty.  When I'm doing something right or pleasing I'm rewarded and/or doors are opened that I didn't expect to be unlocked.  God works in amazing ways and I know this.  I know I'm a child of God and honestly I'm only able to stray so far before I feel him pulling at my shoulder asking me "Where do I think I'm Going???"  So everything is not the devils doing: it's your guilty conscious.

I make up sooooo many excuses for not going or making it to church on time - but yet I make it a priority to get up for work on time and going about my day without any excuses.  The MIND is a powerful tool.  Your BRAIN controls your body.  Everything we do or think is processed by the brain which signals the body to process what you are feeding into it.  For example if you tell yourself you don't feel good guess what you don't and all of a sudden you start to feel sick.  When you feel positive energy into your brain you get positive results and when you feed negativity into your brain well you get it I hope.

As I'm sitting here typing this I'm starting to feel like somewhat of a burden has been lifted off my spirit.  For those that know me well writing has always been my outlet and my way of venting.  Initially, I grabbed my laptop for this to be a very nasty and angry posting.  I wanted to cuss and fuss and rant about how I hated those who hurt me and the stress I am currently dealing with in regards to some personal things that are going on right now.

Lyfe sung it best!!!!!  Check it out!

When you are doing something new or for the first time you're initially hesitant or a little scared because you don't want to mess up sort of speak.  Lord knows that I'M learning to obtain something that you never had -you have to do something that you never did.  In the process I'm questioning relationships - My granny always tell me "Everyone you want to be your friend don't want to be friends with you".  The older I get the more I take heed to that statement.

I feel soo much better as I bring this posting to a close.  I'm glad I didn't allow my emotions to cause me to embarrass myself and post something I would later regret allowing negative thoughts and emotions to have control over me.  However, I continue to struggle with my relationship with God.  I know he HE LOVES ME!!!!! I struggle with the pressure of having to be this person of perfection and walk the walk of a so called CHRISTIAN.  I'm sure many will not view this post - but's its ok.  I know someone is going through a similar situation and this posting will find it's way!

~Who Soever Will - Let them Come~